


A Nightmare Before Christmas

by Cyberkat (lucidscreamer)



Series: Collinwood in Verse and Song: A Collection of Dark Shadows Poetry and Filk [1]
Category: Dark Shadows (1966)
Genre: Christmas, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Humor, Parody, Podfic Available, Poetry, Roger Collins is too drunk for this crap, Sarcasm, Supernatural Elements, Vampires, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1994-10-16
Updated: 1994-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-12 17:44:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/127390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidscreamer/pseuds/Cyberkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A parody of Clement Moore's classic poem, starring Roger Collins (and the usual suspects).</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Nightmare Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and at Collinwood  
All the usual suspects were up to no good!

Angelique readied her witchcraft with care,  
Knowing that Barnabas soon would be there,

The children were nestled all snug in their beds  
While nightmarish visions writhed in their heads,

And Cassandra in her wig and I with my Schnapps,  
Had just settled in for a lengthy nightcap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,  
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I swiftly did dash,  
Tore open the curtains and threw up the sash,

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow  
Made it easy to see the foul creature below;

With his big hairy features and four furry paws,  
I knew in an instant, this ain't Santa Claus!

Leaning out through the window, I loudly did shout,  
"Get out of the garbage, you great furry lout!"

It's bother enough to have permanent "guests",  
A bat for a cousin (oh, _he's_ quite the pest),

One wife was a Phoenix, the other a witch...  
For some other family, mine I'd gladly switch...

Now we've a werewolf pawing our trash?  
Given half the chance, I'd be gone in a flash!

And you'd hear me exclaim as I drove out of sight,  
"Good riddance to all and to all a 'Good-night'!"

\- by Lucidscreamer

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to a fantastic reading of my poem, performed and recorded by Daryl Wor:
> 
> http://www.audiofanfictionlibrary.com/A_Nightmare_Before_Christmas.mp3


End file.
